hi. you probably all don’t know me. but I suffer. more than any of you will ever really understand. it’s clinically known as depression, but it’s different inside my head, just as it is in every other’s. people think that depression is about being sad all of the time, but that’s the complete opposite. you only know real depression when you get the small moments in life that keep you hanging on. they’re there on purpose. they’re there to keep you going, to get you to hold onto that small bit of heaven so you’re able to enjoy the never ending hell that surrounds you for just that little bit longer. and it’s hell. to all around, it may seem I’m in a happy relationship, that I’m pretty with nice hair and good friends. but I’m not so sure. I don’t think I’m pretty. I doubt anyone does any more. it’s difficult to tell when anybody thinks anything positive about me because I cant read people, but people who I’ve thought to be horrible in the past have turned out to be lovely people, so don’t ever judge a book by its cover, no matter how pretty or horrid the cover is. I guess my problem lies within that I’m in love with two different people, two very, very different people. one’s a girl, one’s a boy. one would never hurt a fly but continues to hurt me, and one wouldn’t ever hurt a fly OR me. in fact, the only thing these two people have in common is that they both love me. and although I’m with one, I can’t help but dream about being with the other, among other… things. but I know that if I were with the other, I’d dream the same dreams about the first as I do currently of the second. the boy. he’s not always loved me, but has never said he doesn’t. the girl, who I’m with, has always claimed to love me, and acts upon so, but has told others she no longer did. if so, why would she have been with me for a year and a half? it’s all very confusing, but I’m sure I’ll get my head around it.
I just have a positive feel about it.

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