CRAPPYPASTA

For those pastas that are smelling less than fresh…


Der: Grobmann: My Experience

| 9 Comments

I’m sure most of you now have heard of “The Slenderman.” Most of you probably have not yet had the experience with him, and I pray to God that you won’t. It all started a few weeks back. We had a 4 day weekend away from school, because of the hurricane. The day we were supposed to go back though, I woke up, and I thought I saw a tall thin man in my closet. I immediately felt sick, and ran downstairs and puked. I told my dad I wasn’t feeling well enough to go to school, and that I should stay home. He agreed, and he went to work. I went back to bed. I wasn’t necessarily worried, because I tend to have a wild imagination when I first wake up.

I woke up about an hour later, and I felt a lot better. No sign of the tall thin man. I then got out of bed, and went to get something to eat. I found a Coca-Cola bottle in the fridge with a note. “Thought you could use this.” I knew it was from my dad. I took small sips. I felt a lot better. Later in the day, I realized I haven’t been outside in days because of the hurricane. I decided I needed some fresh air.

I walked outside, and a blast of wind hit my face. The air felt great. Now, I live in an area filled with forests on the other side of my road. So, I started walking down my road. When I got to the end of my road, I felt as if I had enough time outside, and decided to go back.

When I started going back to my house though, I noticed something. A tall, thin, black tree, but it looked too odd to be a tree. Every time I tried to look at it though, my eyes would start to water and sting. As I got farther down my road, so did it. I ignored it, probably the wind was stinging my eyes.

That night, my parents were out, and I got tired, and went to bed. As I got in bed, I heard a deafening scream from outside. I grabbed my fathers .38 Revolver, and a flashlight. I went outside, and into my forest on the other side of the road. I hopped the fence, and slid down the bank. I pulled back the hammer on the revolver, ready to fire, and turned on my flashlight. That’s when I found it.

A crumpled up, poorly drawn picture taped onto a tree. The picture quoted “DON’T LOOK, OR IT TAKES YOU.” It also consisted of an “X, “and a stick figure of a man with no face. I took the page, and put it in my pocket for evidence. Little did I know, I just completed the first part of his game.

I didn’t know exactly what the heck this thing was doing in MY forest. This twig didn’t belong in my forest, and I wasn’t going to let him escape. Suddenly, I heard the scream again. It sounded as if it were only about 30 yards away. I sprinted toward the direction of the scream, and as I was sprinting, I hit my head on a branch and blacked out.

I don’t know how long I was out, but I woke up when I heard the scream again. It sounded as if it were only feet away, so I headed toward that direction, carefully this time. That’s when I saw the little girl. I had no idea who it was, nor had I ever seen her before in my life. “It’s okay, I’m here, I will protect you,” I said. She started at me for a good thirty seconds. She tried to mutter something to me. “Try to speak a little more clear,” I said. She finally spoke clearly. “He wants you to play his game, he wants you to find the pages. If you don’t you won’t escape the forest.” “The thin man?” I said. “His name is “Der Großmann,” also known as “The Slenderman.”

I was speechless. I only heard about him on the internet, I always thought he was fake. “What happens if I find all eight pages, will I get out?” “I don’t know,” said the girl. “You might as well try though, but don’t leave me here, take me with you!” “You’re safe with me,” I said. Then we started off to find the next page.

There are many kinds of weird things in my forest. A torn down cabin, a broken piano, a refrigerator, a silo, a weird rock structure, a field of tires, and a ditch by the creek. “Where do you think we should start looking?” I said. “I don’t know,” said the girl. “Where did you find the first page?” I paused for a second. “The biggest tree in the forest.” The girl paused for awhile. “Well, let’s think for a minute. You found the first page taped on a superior part of the forest, so, the rest of the pages must be near something significant.” I was impressed. This girl is very smart for her age. “What would I do without you? What’s your name?” “My name is Kelsey,” she said.” “Oh, how old are you?” I asked. “I am eight.” “How did you end up here?” “I don’t remember anything before I woke up here, except my name and age, and who this creature is, I don’t even know my last name.”

We continued, until we came across the torn down cabin. On the broad side of the cabin, lied the next page. It read: “ALWAYS WATCHES, NO EYES.” It contained a face, with 2 “X’s” where the eyes should have been. The more I progressed, the more I got scared. Having Kelsey on my shoulders comforted me little. That’s when I saw him. I turned around to head to the broken piano, and he was about 20 meters behind. My eyes started to blur, and I started to black out. “Turn around!” said Kelsey. I struggled to turn around, and when I did, I collapsed. “He will always be behind us, take the pages advice.” said Kelsey. I was losing hope. Kelsey spoke again. “It only get’s harder as we progress, but we need to get out of here. Who knows what will happen if he takes us?” She was right, any fate could be better than his. We started to go back in a circle, since the Slenderman was always behind us.

We finally got to the broken piano. In between two of the keys was another note. The note read: “LEAVE ME ALONE.” It included a drawing of a tree. The next place that popped into my mind was the refrigerator, and it was only a few feet away. “Sweet,” I said. “It’s like a free one.” Kelsey was silent, like always. I picked up the next page. It consisted of no words at all. The only thing on it was a bunch of trees, and him. “Four down, four to go.” I said.

“Where should we look next?” Kelsey said. “Well, the closest thing is probably the Silo.” I said. The silo was about 300 meters north. There was a problem though. The front of the Silo was covered by barb-wired fence, and there was no way I would go around. Not after last time. We approached the fence. There was a small opening in the bottom. I couldn’t fit, but Kelsey could. “I’ll give it a go,” Kelsey said. “No, it’s too dangerous.” You have to trust me!” I sighed. “Okay but you will do exactly as I say. You run into the Silo, collect the page, and close your eyes, then turn around and come back. I will guide you to the opening in the fence.” She went off. She did exactly as I said. When she got out of the Silo though, I started feeling sick, and my eyes started to water. I noticed the Slenderman was standing right behind the Silo. “Kelsey, open your eyes, but don’t turn around!”

“I…I thought he was always behind us, that isn’t possible!” I said. Then again, it’s not human. “Did you get the page Kelsey?” She handed me the page. “Look, I know you want to help, but I can’t risk sending you like that again, keep your eyes closed.” She said nothing. “Next stop is the rock structure, which is a probable 320 meters north.” We head towards the rock structure, sure enough, the next page was there. It read: “CAN’T RUN.” I was about terrified. I thought then and there I truly was going insane. “Kelsey, if I don’t make it, I want you to take my gun and pages, and run out of the forest as fast as you can, okay?” “No! Don’t talk like that, we’re both going to!” She said. “Do you not see these pages?! He’s always watching! I can’t run from him! Don’t you see what he is?! He is not of this world, it’s of a more superior world!” Kelsey started crying. “I’m sorry Kelsey, I shouldn’t have lost it like that.” “We can still make it.” Kelsey said. “I know, but I think I’m going insane, let’s just try to find the last few pages.

“You’ve lived here long enough, why is there all of these coincidentally structures here?” Kelsey said. I don’t know, people leave their crap in the forest, it’s popular to throw tires down here, a bunch of rednecks live around these parts.” I said. There was one thing that stuck out in the field. There was a bunch of tired stacked. “I’ve never noticed that before.” I said. I knocked it over. Sure enough, there was a page. It had a bunch of “NO’s” written all over the page, with “it” in the middle. “Kelsey, we are almost finished, one more page is left.” I noticed Kelsey was no longer on her shoulders. Did I dare turn around? It was him. He had his hands on her shoulders. She was crying. “Get off of her!” That’s the last I remember before I blacked out.

I woke up in the ditch behind the creek. There lay the last page. It read: “FOLLOWS.” I was done his game, but I realized Kelsey was still missing. As cruel as it may sound, I didn’t have time to look for her. I ran out of the forest to my house, and called the police.

They didn’t find Kelsey, but something struck me right then and there. I never got a full view of Kelsey’s face. I did notice that her skin was oddly wight. Then it hit me. Kelsey is The Slenderman’s daughter.

Credit To – Bryan Wood
Credit Link - http://www.youtube.com/user/xlrd98?feature=g-crec-u

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate This Pasta
Rating: 2.8/10 (10 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: -1 (from 7 votes)
Der: Grobmann: My Experience, 2.8 out of 10 based on 10 ratings
FavoriteLoadingAdd this crappypasta to your favorites

9 Comments

  1. Come now. Everyone knows Slendy isn’t real. Nevertheless, an interesting read. A few missed speachmarks, but good story!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rate This Comment
    Rating: 2.0/5 (4 votes cast)
    • Well I beg to differ!

      1/10 and a downvote for the unimaginative little twerp’s pasta!

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rate This Comment
      Rating: 3.7/5 (3 votes cast)
  2. the ‘B’-looking letter in Der Whateverman’s name is actually a greek letter. It’s written Der Grossman, and fittingly enough, gross sums up this bad fanpasta perfectly. 1/10.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rate This Comment
    Rating: 3.0/5 (2 votes cast)
  3. not bad
    7/10

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rate This Comment
    Rating: 2.3/5 (3 votes cast)
  4. One thing that you must understand before writing something detailed about Slenderman is that the ‘ß’ character is not a fancy ‘B’, it is a Germanic symbol traditionally used to represent a double-s sound, the likes of which is identical to the sound in the word ‘hiss’.
    Since Slenderman lore is very much rooted in the Germanic culture, you must possess a basic understanding of the way the language works. Fortunately, it’s a lot like the King’s English. In modern times, it’s acceptable to replace it with two of the letter ‘s’, however, since you’re writing about a creature who has allegedly been around since the 14th century, I suggest using aforementioned character. It can be easily accessed on your word processing program.
    Now that my OCD has revealed itself, I think we should all go about our days and pretend it didn’t happen.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rate This Comment
    Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
  5. Your experience playing the game?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rate This Comment
    Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
  6. So, erm, let’s look at the title a bit more…

    Der Großman is the German term for the Slender Man…

    And ‘My Experience’ could also be called an ‘account’…

    So in other words. This pasta’s title could potentially be rephased as -

    Slender: My… Personal… Acc-

    [INCOMPREHENSIBLE SCREAMING]

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rate This Comment
    Rating: 3.7/5 (3 votes cast)
  7. your all crazy slender man is real

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rate This Comment
    Rating: 2.7/5 (3 votes cast)
  8. If Slendy is real, then why didn’t he become common knowledge until the 2000′s? Especially if he’s been so active before that? Not attacking. Just debating.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rate This Comment
    Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.



This website contains fictional content that may be too scary for younger readers. Please verify that you are either at least 18 years of age or have parental permission before proceeding.