For those pastas that are smelling less than fresh…

Getting Slendr


TRUE STORY My boyfriend went crazy. :( I had never seen the blair witch project, and he hadnt either. at first it seemed more like somthing you see out of the corner of your eye at night.then his sightings progressed and intenseified. we both should have taken the sightings more sseriously. :(

He was over at my apartment one afternoon, and we were going to go out to eat, and we were thinking of restuarants we could go to. after a while we just started making conversation about our day, and frivioulus things that were happening in our lives, when he told me that yesterday while he was fixing his truck, he thought he saw a man in a suit across the street from his house watching him. he said it almost sarcasticly, as if it were really nothing worth mentioning, so i just smiled along with him.

A week later – he called the police because there was a man in his house. when the police came to his house they shrugged him off when they saw that he  was drinking. there were heniken bottles all over the kitchen. it seemed alittle strange to me, just the way the whole scene was fixed so perfectly, to make it look like he was drinking. at that time i assumed he was. he begged the police and me that he wasnt drinking and that there was a man in his house. the police left and fined him for an innapropriate 911 call. he was scared now. i was scared for him.

a month later – i hadnt seen him for a while. i was worried about him. i went to pay him a visit.  he was very gentle and i loved him, but just in case he was insane, i brought my brother with me. i know it seems a little akward,but i seriously didnt want to take any chances. i rang the doorbell. no one was there. i left with my brother. we were almost home when a couple police cars passed us with their sirens on. the were headed for my boy friends house. my and my brother drove back to his house just to see if he was alright, in case he called 911 again. he did. he told the police that a man had been stalking him and writing him notes through instant messageing. the police checked his inboxand outbox, and there was about twelve messages that were sent to him, but they were all blank. the olny thing that made sense was the word peanut butter. he was in tears. he told the police that he was allergic to peanut butter, and that the man was trying to kill him. the police tryed to check the return email, and it seemed to be a hacked spam letter. when they traced it back to the original spam sender they found papa johns pizza.

six months later – the police came to his house again. olny this time it was on account of his neighbor. apparently he had visited the neighbors house and asked for a peanut butter sandwich. un aware of his allergy, they made it for him. they said they were afraid if they didnt do what he said he would destroy their house. His autopsey stated killed by mental illness; posion. but i know it was the man.

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  • Phoebus

    Omg that’s so sad, I’m so sorry

  • ClockworkLizard

    So… I have questions…

    1) What the hell does The Blair Witch Project have to do with anything?

    2) What is “intenseified?”

    3) “Posion,” is no mental illness that I’ve ever heard of.

  • poodleinacan

    “A week later – he called the police because there was a man in his house.” Those pesky jehovah witnesses…

  • AssassinNumber7

    ‘apparently he had visited the neighbors house and asked for a peanut butter sandwich.’

    Shite, that was the last of the PB!
    CALL 911!!!!!

  • Amnestey

    Bad, but honesty not the worst pasta I’ve ever read, especially for a fanfic. At least try never flat out said “it’s slenderman!”

  • Yossarian

    TRUE STORY This pasta was stupid. :(

    And this is a pet peeve of mine, but it seems to come up a lot. People, if you want to include any sort of police interaction in your story, either keep the details vague or do the research. Any officer that dismissed a claim of burglary simply because there were beer bottles in the house would be fired faster than this story became stupid. Also, just because no suspect was found in the house does not make it a false 911 call.

  • Donovan Durango

    The whole inclusion of the random “Blair Witch Project” sentance at the beginning reminds me of the standardized tests we took back in school. There was always that part where you had to read a short story and there’d be a question like, “Which sentence in the story should be removed,” And there’d always be just a completely random sentence that stuck out like a sore thumb. Good job to whoever wrote this Pasta; you correctly emulated an intentionally mal-written story used to test the grammatical skills of grade-schoolers.

    • Faith

      I hated those questions!

  • The Operator

    You write this bad, yet you expect us to believe you have a boyfriend?

  • The Doctor

    TRUE STORY My boyfriend went crazy. :(

    …Okay? A little blunt.

  • MeganHeartz

    It’s a bad sign when they misspell the title.

    • Hamster

      It’s a bad sign when they misspell the title, use cliche crap like slenderman, put emoticons in the story, can’t tell when to capitalize, should I go on?

      I’m convinced that fanfic sites have destroyed our ability, in general, to write correctly. If you want this story taken seriously at least leave the emoticons out. For crying out loud this isn’t a text your sending to your “BFF”. It’s a story you want published on a website for everyone to read.

      • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

        The age of the authors is the big issue, some of the older generations who write fanfiction actually write them rather well. They’re still creepy though.

  • bravo104

    they said they were afraid if they didnt do what he said he would destroy their house.

    with what? his bare hands? jesus, slendr should be running like hell from this guy.

    anyway, the sentence about the blair witch made perfect sense. She actually meANT Blair from the thing, and he had started his own project about slender. the boy friend was actually norris, this would explain how he could blow up a house with the power of thought.the brother is Palmer, and this means something. probably. Ok,it means nothing.

  • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

    I’m getting Slender. I’ve been on a diet you see. I’ve lost 17 stone. I’m only 34 stone now. Virtually anorexic compared to…yo momma!

    Yes I did just go there.

    1/10 and a downvote.

  • InsanityUnderHats

    I’m sorry, but you can’t expect anyone to take your story seriously when you use fucking emoticons. 1/10