CRAPPYPASTA

For those pastas that are smelling less than fresh…


Hetalia Theory

| 50 Comments

Hetalia. Known as an anime which the countries are actual people. It’s like history, but in anime form, and a lot more interesting. But, what if all of the sweet, innocent stuff you see in Hetalia, is just one, twisted dream?

All the characters, they are actually real but have the human name that they were given. They all live in there own country(Alfred, America. Arthur, Britain,etc.). But somehow there all connected as one mentally. They can telepathically speak to each other. And all there personalities in the show are the opposite in real life. Feliciano(Italy), you would think of him as, a happy, easy-going, and not very bright person. Well, in reality, he’s not nice at all. He does not like anybody. And he’s actually really smart. Ludwig(Germany), soldier, not very easy-going, strict. Wrong. He actually hates fighting and has a lot of friends. He’s more layback and not very clean or organized either. Kiku(Japan), not very emotional, hates to be touched and affectionate, and is very peaceful, calm. But in reality, he’s very emotional, he actual is pervert, and is very distraught and worked up. As well as the Allies, they also have different personalities. Alfred(America), he’s very easy-going, happy, funny, “heroic” as he would say, and is usually hungry. But actually, he does not have any friends. He has depression and has no self-esteem. And he usually starves himself cause of his depression. Arthur(Britain), not easy-going, a gentleman, swears a lot more than often, and is “magical”, referring to his black magic methods and him having magical creatures as his imaginary friends. Not in reality. He actually has a ton of friends and is not clean or nice at all. He doesn’t really swear though. And he does not believe in magic. And has no imagination. Since he has real friends he has no need for imaginary ones. Francis(France), quite perverted, romantic, and a bit classy. In reality he actually hates the thought of sex, not very romantic, which means he has never had girlfriend before. And he is dirty and unclean, not classy. Wao(China), patriotic, wiling to do what’s right if he has too, and only likes to hear himself think. In reality he hates his country. And will not stick up for anybody, not even himself. He’ll just be a by-stander doing nothing but watching. And does not want to hear his own ideas, thinking that there horrible and everyone else’s is so much better. Matthew(Canada), shy, quiet, nice, and is not noticed. But, in reality he’s actually easy-going, he’s very loud but a bit at the same time. And everyone knows who he is, and no one can forget him. And, last but not least, Ivan(Russia). His is very interesting cause he actually exists in both worlds as the same person. Cause of his “split” personality in the anime, he is the exact same in reality. He actually telepathically talked to all the other countries and made it so this dream would seem like reality. They all in wanted to see what they would be like if they were the exact opposite. Right now, the story seems to have been pretty okay right? Well, unfortunately because of their dreaming, they have been stuck in the dream ever since the start. They have been trying to wake up ever since, but I forever trapped. And the person who can wake them is Ivan. But he won’t. That’s also why he’s the same in both worlds. He controls what’s next. What will happen. He controls their future.He decides whether someone dies or lives. And even how they act and what they do in the show. Everyone but Ivan, has lost the ability to control, dream, everything. The only thing left is there forever sleeping body. Even their souls are captives of Ivan. And he’ll let them go, when his dream is finally over. Their nightmare, is his dream. The show is also based on history cause Ivan knew, much of history was bloodshed or horrible events, which made his dream more like-able to him. The only reason it’s showed in a comedy sort of way is because for a little while, Matthew had control of the dream. And he wanted it to be a happy showing of history. But Ivan could not change it after it was done. Everyone’s character, is a figment of imagination. What they wanted to be, for a limited time, is now a permanent reality they’ll never escape from. One big happy family of dreams.

One big nightmare, concealed by the history and a dream.

Credit To: Hidekaz Himaruya the creator of Hetalia

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate This Pasta
Rating: 5.6/10 (47 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: -4 (from 24 votes)
Hetalia Theory, 5.6 out of 10 based on 47 ratings
FavoriteLoadingAdd this crappypasta to your favorites
  • shogunfish

    Die, just die… If there are two things I hate it’s cliched shitty pastas, and shit like Hetalia. Things that appeal only to a certain audience, but somehow those people go around and shove it in everyone’s face. Same with the hunger games. I would normally not form an opinion but because it was constantly shoved in my face I learned to hate it.

    You just had to defile my sanctuary, and for that you will pay

    • ter

      Fuck you.

      • The Operator

        Pfft. And this is why he hates Hetalia.

      • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

        Stupid pissy little fanfic fuckwit.

        ter, you won’t like this site.

    • Charlie

      Dude, chill, I don’t see how this was shoved in your face? If you don’t like something, ignore it, simple as.

    • Valkyrie

      o.e….*takes out pipe and aura turns purple* I’ll get you first…Kolkolkol…

      • derpbutt

        This is one of the most confusing comments yet. What?

        • Paul

          I’m sure it’s a Vampire: the Masquerade reference, where purple auras mean the person is aggressive.

          As for the rest… I got nothing, sorry. I don’t speak stupid, but it must be something along the lines of “ROFLOLOL i am quirky lel xD” with a dose of “I do not agree with your opinion on my close friend and your reaction towards the material and execution displeases me, dear shogunfish.”

          • Niki

            Actually, it’s a reference to the anime that’s being talked about, Hetalia. That whole purple aura and “Kolkolkolkol” is Russia’s/Ivan’s thing, and he uses a pipe as his weapon, so Valkyrie is just pretending to be Ivan. o3o

  • IT WAS THE GHOOOOOOST!

    "But, what if all of the sweet, innocent stuff you see in Hetalia, is just one, twisted dream?"

    Done.

  • Yossarian

    I haven’t seen any of Hetalia, but I’m pretty sure it’s just a big allegory for World War II. Kinda defeats the purpose of this "theory," doesn’t it?

    • Lady Phantomhive

      This ain’t even a theory, it’s just a rehashing of a pre-established concept from the fandom. It has official art and everything.

  • Poodleinacan

    … So, there is no originality in this pasta.

  • http://crappypasta.com Hetalia13

    I’m sorry you guys for a shitty pasta! This was my first so of course it sucks. And, I’m terribly sorry if I copied! I didn’t know I did! I just thought of this as I went along! I swear, I didn’t know I stole! Sorry for wasting all your time :(

    • That One Invisible Kid

      Hey, ignore them. I understand how you feel. This is actually really good! But there is a thing called 2p Hetalia and your story is a really good informational source to go to if you need to explain 2ps to someone, it helped my cousin! I love how you worded the whole thing though!

      Also, this is your first! So remember that you have to keep trying! Just because a couple of people complained on your first shot doesn’t mean you still have a chance!! Like I said, just ignore them, they don’t know fine wordage when they see it.

      Once again, thank you so much for creating this and responding nicely to all of the rude bullies, that’s pretty brave. Good luck on your other creepypastas if there is more, if not create some!! Thank you!!!

      ~That One Invisible Kid <3

      • Bravo 104

        The writing isn’t that good, but it’s much, much better than 60 percent of stuff on this website. The actual content, is just bad. Nothing happens. It’s just him describing the personalities of the cast, then saying how they are the opposite. That’s it. Nothing even remotely scary happens. I could do that. Let’s say, The Thing:

        Mac is a bit anti-social, and likes to drink. In reality he is social and hates alcohol.
        Childs is very short tempered, and doesn’t like Mac much, and takes drugs. In reality, he likes the main guy, is very calm, and doesn’t touch drugs.
        Bennings: A bit grumpy, but is second in command and has a beard.
        In reality, he hasn’t got a beard, isn’t second in command and is cheerful.

        See how pointless and redundant it is?

      • Bravo 104

        “Hey, ignore them. ”
        Yes, ignore their entirely justified criticism!
        Criticism is one the reasons this site exists. It’s going to help make him write a creepypasta worthy story, or at least help.

        “they don’t know fine wordage when they see it.”
        Correction: You don’t know find wordage when you see. The story was just him naming someone from the show, then explaining how they are the complete opposite in real life. It’s redundant and stupid.

        Walking dead:
        Ben: Is cowardly,
        but has good intentions. In reality, he is evil and not cowardly.
        Lee: Father figure for clem. In reality, he hates children. And is evil
        Kat: Loves Duck. In reality, she hates Duck. And is evil.

        It’s fucking stupid!

        “the rude bullies,”
        So having a different opinion to someone means they’re a “rude bully”?

        “that’s pretty brave.”
        No, it’s not. I’ve got pastas on here and I still comment on them.

        My point is, the story was bad. Maybe if the author went with a completely different subject topic, then it could work, but the subject in this is so incredibly retarded, there is no redeeming it.

      • BlueFox

        YAAAAAAY! Cookies and juice for everyone!

  • SgtPepperWasPhone

    **throws computer across room, gets up, walks out** Dude. I swear. At first these theories were okay, you know? Some of them were thought provoking, if they were written well. Now, just shut up. No one is going to stop watching Hetalia, or Spongebob, or Fairly Odd Parents, or whatever just because someone had a bad trip one day.

  • http://wattpad.com saphire

    mindfuck.j-just…O.O i-i dont know whta to say…p-please…m-make it go away!

  • MissTurtles

    Uhh yeah, this is what’s called 2p Hetalia

  • That One Kid

    Hey there! So, the Creepy Pasta its self was actually pretty good. But this is basicly an explanation of 2pHetalia. I understand that not everyone had heard of 2ps, so this is good for someone who hasn’t. This totally helped me teach my cousin what the 2ps are, so thanks for writing it!! Just next time, try to make it more original! Thank you!

    ~That One Kid

    • The Operator

      No it isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I like hetalia, but this failed.

      First of all, it was basically a rehash of 2Ps. Nothing new here. It would be like me explaining Slenderman. Not scary at all.

      Second of all. Not written well. Not scary or anything. See, this site is called creepypasta for a reason. Well, at least the other one is.

      Third – WALL. OF. TEXT. That is not cool, no matter the circumstances. Breaks – use them.

      Fourth and finally, it was a freaking lost episode pasta. You know how many we get of these every day? AT LEAST FIVE. THIS IS NOT NEW WHATSOEVER.

      I see you called us ‘the rude bullies’ earlier on. Pfft. This is crappypasta. If you can’t stand critique, all you have to do is, oh, CLICK THE BUTTON THAT SAYS ‘DO NOT SUBMIT TO CRAPPYPASTA’ on the submit page?

      Operator out.

      • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

        Well said Operator!

        Fanfic fuckwits really irritate me!

        • The Operator

          Yeah, pretty much. I don’t care how good the pasta is at explaining 2P Hetalia, it’s not creepy, and it’s a fanfic pasta as well, which is just terrible. Fandoms should really not be bought into creepypasta.

          (…Says the guy that shouts ‘YOU’VE GOT THAT WRONG’ in over half of his comments…)

          • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

            It would make you a hypocrite if you were posting fanfic pastas. Pointing out people’s errors is perfectly fine. I couldn’t do it because 95% of the time I haven’t got a fucking clue what they’re on about. I’m that good with popular culture, (as you may have noticed) pastas like these tend to go straight over my head.

            I’m astonished that you can pull out where the author has stated something wrong. Some pastas that I have seen you manage that with are pretty much unreadable.

  • Ms. Not-So-Human

    Never trust Ivan to take control of everything. I’ve never seen Hetalia, but based on the fact the pasta itself says he has split personalities, I’m going to assume he’s insane.

    • Ivan Braginski

      I’m not insane, I’m just a bit… Evil…? Yeah, that’s all. до свидания.

    • Lady Phantomhive

      He doesn’t have split personalities, but he is indisputably insane.

  • Fib

    I saw the title and instantly face palmed.

  • Enderman

    Theory huh?

    Emc-squared= Fail

  • Ivan Braginski

    Что за черт?

  • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

    I read this:
    “Hetalia. Known as an anime which the countries are actual people. It’s like history, but in anime form, and a lot more interesting. But, what if all of the sweet, innocent stuff you see in Hetalia, is just one, twisted dream?”

    Then I thought this:

    “Fuck this!”

    It’s not like history at all. It stereotypes the various countries to conform with twisted societal views. It’s incorrect and just in case you weren’t aware. It was created in a country that America fought it WW2. It’s not more interesting than actual history and is probably (since it’s written by an enemy at the time of WW2) innacurate. How can this possibly be more interesting than real stories of survival and witnessing real footage and artefacts from the time? If you call it sweet and innocent then it clearly isn’t historically accurate.

    I’d never ponder over that last question because despite the fact I haven’t seen it, I hate Hetalia and everything it stands for. The only thing more pathetic than the show is the fans.

    • carly

      If you hate Hetalia, why read this? Just to make a Hetalia fan depressed over their opinion of liking the show? I see your opinion of not liking the anime, but don’t leave hate! You said, “the only thing more pathetic than the show is the fans”. Do you know how hurt I am!? I don’t depend on Hetalia to study for World History class, and I know it doesn’t display history perfectly. But in fact, it has gotten me interested in Nordic history, and I am learning Icelandic and Finnish because my friends and I watch it. You have no idea how depressed I am to go to creepypasta to ignore my life right now, and then seeing a comment that puts hate on me as a Hetalia fan. So know what? FUCK YOU. Keep your hate opinions to yourself. It was an appropriate comment until you turned you hate on.

      • Bravo 104

        “If you hate Hetalia, why read this?”
        He read it because it was a pasta, nothing to do with Hetalia.
        Anyway, if you hate people hating hetalia, why read this?

        “I am learning Icelandic and Finnish because my friends and I watch it.”
        Ha! That makes about as much sense as me learning Norwegian after watching the Thing… oh. Well, I learnt about five words.

        “You have no idea how depressed I am to go to creepypasta to ignore my life right now, and then seeing a comment that puts hate on me as a Hetalia fan.”

        One person insulting you got you depressed? If it was your childhood hero or something, maybe, but someone you’ve never met over the internet?

        • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

          hahahaha

          This proves that some people are far too young for this site. I came here to read pastas. The abomination above was hardly even that. I criticised it and the show because I am entitled to my own opinion. I am entitled to say that the fans are idiotic because…above.

          You need to learn how to take criticism. If me criticising your silly television show makes you depressed what are you like when someone insults something that acutally matters?

  • carly

    it sounds a bit like 2p!talia, with your mentions of opposite personalities. I get your lead here, but its a bit too….how to say “its a bit centered on one character”. Which is Russia in this case.

  • Charlie

    People, take a chill pill, it’s just an anime, and this is just a creepy-pasta.
    No need to get so worked up about it.
    There are seriously far more important things to worry about, like child labor, or rape, or mental disorders, or famine or war, or suicide due to cyber-bullying. I could go on.

    Now all of you shut the duck up, if you have something to say about this, say it politely, or just don’t say it. It’s not that hard and it plain manners!

    • derpbutt

      Caring/talking about something superficial does not preclude one from also caring/talking about serious things. Such a ridiculous fallacy and a lazy internet arguing tactic, please stop using it.

      That said, this is not a Hetalia fanpage or forum, and Hetalia is not going to be given some protected status just because you don’t want to hear anyone criticize your favourite show. I agree that people should be constructive when critiquing the pasta itself, but I don’t think that the anime (or Minecraft, or MLP, or any of the other media that tends to get used for bad pastas) itself needs to be treated with such kid gloves.

      Also, what’s with this sudden surge in commenters attempting to police everyone else? I believe we’ve had more of this in the past week alone than in the entire previous lifetime of Crappypasta. What’s going on?

      • Charlie

        1. People are going on about this as if it’s as bad as any of those things. So in my mind, not really a lazy argument.

        2. Did I say Hetalia was my favourite show? No, I did not, and not once did I say that it should be protected, hell, people are free to critise that as much as they want (so long as it’s done nicely and not just a huge rant with no merit, like I don’t mind some of the people on here, but some people are telling this poor person to die! I fail to see how that’s a good thing to put?!?), it’s their opinion.

        3. I have no idea, it’s always been a thing with me, I hate rudeness, so I have a habit of pointing it out when it happens.

        • derpbutt

          I see, it looks like I misunderstood. I read your comment as if you were upset with people making fun of Hetalia. If that wasn’t your intent, my apologies and feel free to ignore what I said!

        • http://don'taskquestions/itmightbeawesome/oritcouldjustbeanemptysearchpage/nowwithcookies(tomakeyoufeelbetter).com Aelius Cato

          Welcome to the internet Charlie, everyone here is rude. Get used to it.

        • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

          I completely agree with you on the death threats.

          I put down my rant partly because it’s how I feel about the show (having only discovered it through this site) and partly because I thought it’d be humerous for other people to read.

          If you stick around you’ll noticed that in a lot of my comments I threaten the pets belonging to the author. This is my way of making fun of the out of place death threats that often appear on these pages. I can’t imagine the author will take them seriously. If they do then they’re probably too young for the internet anyway.

          I think the majority of the death threats etc. Is because some of the younger critics thinks it’ll get them an automatic five star vote.

    • BlueFox

      Right, then why are you here getting all worked up about people with a negative opinion of a pasta? Don’t you have enough to worry about, what with all of that suicide, rape, and mental illness in the world? You really need to focus on what’s important.

      So shut up and stop complaining and blah blah blah. Also, it’s “F.U.C.K”. We’re not going to go tell your parents if you swear.

  • craphunter

    Oh, Operator. I think your theory has made another appearance.

    • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

      This is one of those where the author believes it’ll hurt people’s feelings if they rate them down. I love ‘em.

  • Aelius Cato

    I am long over due to remark on this story so I apologize in advance. Now on to the story (it feels like literary heresy to call that a story). It’s just telling us that the characters are not at all who they are but the opposite of themselves. I thought they were suppose to be countries, so does that mean they’re different countries now? Is Germany now the US? How about Japan, is it the UK now? Hell is France now China or is it Poland? Yeah that made no sense at all.

    Now to address this:
    “It’s like history, but in anime form, and a lot more interesting.” Clearly, you have never studied history in any depth. I almost take personal offense to you claiming that this anime tripe is more interesting than actual history. I also took the time to look up this show and found nothing but wartime stereotypes (I could be wrong though).

    However the greatest offense this “story” makes is that it is not only poorly written and not at all scary, but it’s just pointless. There’s not anything actually happening, it explains nothing at all and makes no contributions. It’s just a redundant rant.

  • Elias

    *strolls through the hetalia vs. Critics war zone* lovely weather we’re having.

  • hentaigirl

    loved this story. :3 that actually sounds cool to be an oppisite of yourself, but if Ivan’s controlling it….. kolkolkol

  • Animeab

    Ano… I think you should be open to these things and try not to hate something, especially if you’ve never tried it… go at your own pace to discover things, and you might find that you like it ^_^


This website contains fictional content that may be too scary for younger readers. Please verify that you are either at least 18 years of age or have parental permission before proceeding.