CRAPPYPASTA

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How to survive a horror story

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First and foremost let me state that this is not a scary story nor is it true, it is merely a comical guide to surviving moment of sheer impossibility and terror. There are five important rules to evading death by the unknown:

1) location: don’t be stupid, there is never a good reason to walk down a back alley or enter an abandoned warehouse. Creepy hallways, dark forests, and ominous empty room that seem to call out to you are off limits. If you get that ominous scary feeling go ahead and file it in you mental spam folder.

2) sound: not sure what it is, but most evil monsters and demon spirits are loud and annoying. If you hear a suddle moaning in the forest or whispers near a graveyard, don’t even look and see what it is turn and run, stop for no reason just f$@&ing run.

3) that funny feeling: as I’m sure most of you know evil spirits (such as slenderman) give off the strange feeling you just can’t shake. Trust me the windows are closed and heart attacks are much quicker, this feeling is bad ju-ju. Turn on all the lights and hide in a corner with the most powerful weapon you’ve got.

4) weapons: now there is a chance your malevolent pursuer is non-sentient, is much more likely that it is meekly a murderous psychopath. That being said psychos bleed just like the rest of us, get a WEAPON. This is imperative that you get anything that can be used as a weapon and keep it with you. If your being chased by multiple psychos and you take one down search the guy for any sort of weapon. Having a weapon is really the only thing a psycho has on you. If your dealing with one guy either attempt to steal their weapon or find an equal or better weapon.

5) recognize your monster: figuring out your enemy is a huge part of your survival. Don’t overlook any signs. Demons or spirits tend to speak with a scary voice as they ate not human and we can barley comprehend them, this also means they will appear strangly and will most likely travel using strange methods. A monster will likely move slowly and make a lot of noise, but don’t let this fool you slow is friggin’ creepy plus most monsters are strong and some can teleport. Psychopathic murderers are human so they will usually appear in costume so that you may mistake them for a monster but don’t fall for it, look for lack of a magical power or a clear motive such as facial scars, signs of a bad childhood or loss of a loved one, or best of all if they look like someone you bullied in highschool and or college.

If you follow these simple rules you at least 30% more likely to live to tell your tale of horror her on creepy pasta.

Credit To: Alex crimson

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10 Comments

  1. Cute, but sloppily written and has been done before.

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    Rating: 4.5/5 (2 votes cast)
  2. Not particularly well done.

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
  3. Come up with your own recipe, dude.

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  4. Not the time or the place for a parodypasta. I know you tried to be cute and funny but it didn’t have anything special or unique to make it that. And the grammar, spelling, and capitalization was atrocious.

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  5. “ate not human” could’ve been avoided had you paid ANY attention to the things flashing onto the screen as you nonsensically mashed keys, and ‘barley’ is a cereal grain used for beer or whiskey. The word you were looking for was ‘barely.’

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  6. Time to take this story apart and see why it’s so shit!

    1: Done before. C’mon, this is like the fifth time I’ve seen this kind of thing. Go write something original.

    2: Done better. This thing is shittily written, with many mistakes, etc, and not as good as some of the others.

    3: SLENDERMAN NAME DROP FOR NO F**KING REASON. Next time someone does this, I will rip off their head and play basketball with it.

    To quote a certain almost-meme….

    YOUR PASTA IS BAD.

    AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.

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    • Slenderman is angry. You take his name in vain he will watch you, then he’ll make out with a girl called Candy.

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  7. Not the best but its funny.

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    • Look for the one on the main site. It’s similar but longer and well written.

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  8. Eh I actually thought this one was funnier than the one on the main site. It was however a copy and terrible in the way of grammar. It was short and to the point though with a lot of it (Except the beginning and end sections, those were kind of dumb and should hint at why Derpbutt called it “cute”) so yeah I’d avoid re-writing this. It was funny though and dubs for trying.

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