CRAPPYPASTA

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Jeff the killer vs the rake

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Jeff the killer had been walking for hours on end until he reached what he calls his “home” but what many other sane people would call a forest. Jeff had just killed a recently married couple, and he felt no remorse mainly because the “feeling” had gotten to him and the other he was incredibly drunk holding a vodka bottle he had taken from the mans alchohol cupboard. Since he had been drinking his vision was blurred and laughed more than normal, Jeff as he was walking spotted a rabbit, he stood still getting ready to kill the fury ball in front of him until he heard a sort of howl… not that of a wolf but of something he had never seen before or heard of, this of course scared the rabbit and it ran away. Jeff being curious at what the noise was went in the direction from which the noise came, he walked at least a mile wandering what it could have been if he could hear it from so far, Jeff soon found out as he crept behind a bush just outside a small clearing. Jeff saw what appeared to be a hairless dog, but its face was chaped like a humans and had black orbs for eyes, Jeff trembled alittle somehow the thought of this creature scared him. Despite being scared he lunged at it from the bushes and pinned it to the ground to get a closer look it clawed his face with what appeared to be rake-like fingers, it screached and growled trying to escape the hands of this human but when it saw his face it was as scared as jeff was a smile carved from ear to ear, burnt off eyelids and snow white skin, the creature manages to grab a rock without jeff noticing and smashes it over jeffs head, Jeffs world went black the last thing he remembered was the creature saying in a raspy voice “I am The rake”. Jeff wakes up in a cave, sweaty and panting when he finally calms down he sees a pile of old and new things like phones, guns and knives he realises bloodied cropses next to the pile they have hiking gear on them, he looks up to see that the creature is just outside the cave, jeff spots his knife and vodka bottle in the pile he grabs both and sneaks up on the rake and smashes the vodka bottle over his head “come on little buddy you look tired let me help you GO TO SLEEP!” jeff yells as he pummels it to the ground and hears a cat like hiss coming from its mouth “you can’t fucking scare me!” yelled jeff as the creature flung jeff off of him “humans dont scare me!” yelled the rake in return “good then you shouldnt be scared of me when I help you go to sleep!” Jeff yelled back as rushed the rake but it was too quick it side steped and jeff fell face first into dirt he tried to get up but the rake tackled him cut after cut sliced jeffs chest blood started leaking from jeffs mouth at the same time he realised he was nexted to a pile of tools the rake realised this to and jumped over to them and grabbed a saw jeff grabbed a hammer and they went at eachover the crunching of bones and the sawing of flesh was heard jeff then remembered picking up his knife… He took the knife out of his pocket and stabbed the rakes arm and ran into the forest the rake pursued for a little but then suddenly stopped and ran back to the cave Jeff wandered what it was doing he stood there for only a few seconds until he saw it running at him with a metal object in its hand Jeff pondered at what it could be until he quickly remembered seeing guns in the pile while remembering this he was just standing there staring until he heard a loud gunshot sound and felt a searing pain in his ears, it had shot his ear he dived behind the bushes and ran as fast as he could having been running from the police for 12 years he had very strong legs and could run very fast beside this fact he did not seem to match the speed of the rake as it quickly caught up to him but jeff had extremely fast reflexes and took a sharp right and the rake ran face first into a tre. Stunned Jeff had enough time to tackle it to the ground they were fighting and rolling around until they had gotten to the nearby grave yard where it ended jeff had managed to strangle the creature to death and slice its throat. Jeff dragged the body back into the woods and dumped it under and old oak tree and walked back into the grave yard at the crack of dawn and stood in front of a grave stone with a name he recognised far too much on the grave stone the name read “Lui” suddenly Jeff heard a voice behind him he recognised it slightly he turned around to see two men one who was tall and skinny with a dopey face you would expect a side-kick to have and next to him was the fattest man jeff had ever seen “hey Jeff you fuck remember us!” yelled the man Jeff remembered as keith as they both pulled out guns from their pockets these were the same guns they used twelve years ago at billys party Jeff wandered how they got those guns back after the police had sent them to J.D.C, his pondering was quickly ended though when they said that they were going to “finish this for randy” Jeff looked back to his brothers tomb stone and somehow the remains of jeffs sanity vanished and his insanity/feeling had hit overdrive he tackled them both to the ground before they could shoot and their guns fell out of their hands and onto the grass, Jeff sliced at their faces as they screamed and then the fat one, Troy had a heart attack and died right there, while keith tried to push jeff off until Jeff knocked him out with a single punch, as he was knocked out jeff slid the knife into his heart and he died, Jeff appeared to be even more happy than usual as his grin was somehow wider.

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Jeff the killer vs the rake, 4.4 out of 10 based on 85 ratings
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29 Comments

  1. Why does everyone make this story? No pacemaker, and no time travel. 0.1/10

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    Rating: 4.6/5 (9 votes cast)
  2. Two popular creepypasta characters in one story.

    1/10 and a downvote.

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (7 votes cast)
  3. For fuck sake, why don’t you have Jeff and the Rake launch thermonuclear warheads at one another and be done with it.

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (4 votes cast)
  4. Why the fuck are Jeff and the Rake even fighting anyway? You’d think they would group together and kill some motherfuckers. For example, the person who wrote this story (no, no, don’t worry, i’ve already done it).

    Plus, as stated by bravo, no pacemaker, no upvote. 1/10 and a downvote.

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (6 votes cast)
    • Gotta agree with The Operator on this one. Jeff needs to change his name to Jeff the Tiller, and then he and the Rake can go on a killing spree using lawn and garden tools.

      Oooorrrr, Jeff can team up with Slenderman to fight Hannibal the Cannibal, and Dr. Lecter can eat Jeff’s liver with some fava beans and use Slendy as a toothpick. Slenderman becomes so sad about loosing his psychopathic buddy that he goes home to his basement, tucks his tentacles between his legs, and starts dancing to “Goodbye Horses”. He then slips in some lotion and falls down the well where he cracks his head open and dies. And then the poodle pisses on his corpse.

      ‘Yes, it does, Precious, it gets the hose again.’

      Sorry, I’m drunk.

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      • Best comment on the site no arguments

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        • I don’t think anyone can dispute that. Loving all the references to Silence of the Lambs!

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          Rating: 5.0/5 (4 votes cast)
          • Derp, talking of best comments I think we should do an awards ceremony at the end of each year.

            Best pasta
            Worst pasta
            Best crappypasta
            Worst crappypasta
            Best comment
            Worst comment
            Funniest commenter
            Best advice given

            Rather than doing it by rating it could be done by votes.

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          • That’s a pretty fun idea! Expect it around mid-December. Thanks, Alf.

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            Rating: 3.7/5 (3 votes cast)
          • This could probably be done on the main site as well. But instead of comments (which is the general focus of Crappypasta) the rewards could also be about actual material. Such as “Best Original Character/Monster” or “Best Adaptation of Character” for existing characters/monsters, or “Most Unique Story” and “Best Writing” and the sort.

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          • Given the comments on the similar discussion posts, Jeff the Killer would take all the categories.

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            Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
          • Make Jeff exempt from all awards. Saying that, you should do the same for all of popular monsters/characters.

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          • @Alf

            I was honestly thinking about putting an awards thing like that together a while ago, but decided not to as it would probably be kinda biased. Having derp run it and making it done by votes seems much better.

            Can’t wait for the voting to begin.

            Here’s my predictions:

            Best Pasta: The Twist/Psychosis
            Worst Pasta: The Day Everything Clicked
            Best Crappypasta: The Supermarket Monster
            Worst Crappypasta: A “Loving Husband”/Slenderman VS Commando/Jeff The Killer vs The Rake (you know which one im talking about)
            Best Comment: Time Travelling Cop – Yossarian
            Worst Comment: Pick an annoying MLP fan, any MLP fan
            Funniest Commenter: Yossarian/Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom/The Operator (THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE)
            Best Advice Given: i have no idea on this one

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          • I will champion Organ Empties as the best crappypasta until the end!

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          • You’re all delusional, clearly ‘Horseboy’ is gonna take the award!

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          • @derpbutt

            CRAPPYPASTA JOUSTING

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          • TO, I don’t think I’m in the same league as Yoss and yourself. You guys are consistently hilarious!

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    • Kill the Killers.

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  5. This story seems very irrelevant and very stupid in a way it dragged and that’s not the Jeff I know it just makes the story look stupid

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    Rating: 3.0/5 (4 votes cast)
  6. PUNCTUATION and why don’t the Rake and Jeff team-up as they are both supernatural/bad guys?

    Overall. 2/10

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    Rating: 3.0/5 (2 votes cast)
  7. God guys its not that bad but if your looking for amazing pastas then leave the site

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    Rating: 1.1/5 (12 votes cast)
    • Remember, this site exists to provide blunt criticism. Taking issue with people doing just that – and telling them to leave the site because they’re using it for its intended purpose – is incredibly silly.

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    • Hmmm, no punctuation in the comment, and no name on the pasta.

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  8. For some reason, I can’t reply to comments.
    But I’d like to nominate a comment for best advice.

    http://www.crappypasta.com/jeff-the-killer-vs-jeffery-the-killer/

    “My honest suggestion would be to try writing something original.”

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    • Hold the nominations until the post, please. It would be a nightmare to have to go back and mine almost 3 months of comments to find random nominations.

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  9. Jeff the Killer vs The Lake

    One day, Jeff the Killer decided to try and kill a lake. He spent about five hours stabbing the water with his knife before he got bored and decided to go home. The end.

    I think I just wrote the first good jeffpasta ever.

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  10. omg i thought this was stupid why the rake why not something more important like his origin

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