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Last Blackmist

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July 20th 2010
It’s been nearly two months since the incident. As far as I know there weren’t any survivors. My name is Dante Blackmist, yeah I know funny last name but who would have thought it would be part of such a big tragedy. Okay I think I need to explain myself a little more. This is what happened before any of this.

April 27th 2010
I have finally gotten my retirement notice, I was a 5 year navy seal but I was getting to old for my work so I applied to be retired, but as always there is a catch my catch was a suicide mission it was the only way to get out and well I got to cocky. My mission was called Last Blackmist as to show it was my last mission. I was wrong very very wrong.

June 1st 2010
My mission briefing is today and I’m running a little late. I woke up to the strangest dream ever it was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen my whole life, as the dream went on she kept repeating don’t go or your fathers work was for nothing! I woke up in sweat “my father’s work was for nothing ? “ I said to myself but my father was just a typical marine. He’s the reason I joined the navy seals just to make him proud of whom I am but whatever it’s just a dream.

June 8th 2010
Well my mission briefing was the usual I have to get inside a hidden underwater bunker assassinate my target and get out of there. The reason its suicide is because the place is so heavily guarded it’s like trying to go and assassinate the president while he’s surrounded by bullet proof glass its technically suicide. My target is high value terrorist he has made many people believe that the he can bring peace if we allow his troops to go into our lands, the truth is he slaughters everyone who doesn’t let them in. my mission is in 5 more days better start getting ready.

June 11th 2010
There has been a change of plans I’m getting a whole squad for the mission now apparently its way to dangerous to send one man, well that’s why they call them suicide missions right but o well guess this should make it easier.

June 13th 2010
I had that dream of the lady again but this time she aid beware the last White Cloud, is that supposed to be making fun of my last name or something. Well it’s time for the big mission right now I’m flying to the middle of the red sea where our target has been hiding.
Shit holy shit I don’t know what went wrong my whole squad dead at the blink of an eye our target nowhere to be seen I don’t know what to do or what that thing is
I have never been a religious man but holy shit whatever that thing was the closest thing I could identify it to was either a demon or an alien and I never believed in neither

June ?? 2010
I don’t know how long I have been down here and there is no way to get back up I don’t have the gear for that my squad is dead and gone I’m loosing hope here. Good thing I always carry my journal with me if anyone finds this Get out Of Here Now!! I don’t know if that thing is still around but im sure of it I can feel it.
I just found an entrance to another room I didn’t see before but its covered in blood but I hope there is a way out or something in it.
Yes there is a way out but I need a code for it and to make things worse the power seems to be going out and this bunker is pretty big over all I guess I have to go and get my teams equipment it might be useful.

June 16th 2010
I found a lot of items I could use from my team mates even a cell phone with a date and everything on it but there isn’t a signal down here I also found the bag full of our air tanks and everything I’m going  get out of here finally
I can’t seem to find the hatch out of here and that’s not good the power finally turned off im using my guns light to go around the place and my flash light to write this my partners also had lights but I don’t know how long they will all last.
Shit the thing I saw it again this time it picked up a dead body it looked like our target , I’m going to our targets room maybe he has a map around this hell forsaken bunker.
There isn’t a map and I gave started to hear groaning noises I have goose bumps all over and just want to get out of here.

June 17th 2010
Well I’m almost out of food and water this is my last few days to get out of here.
Shit shit shit I’m going crazy I swear I don’t know why but my partner his body it just it just got up and started running towards me even though he was dead, I shot him straight in the head.
Oh my god this whole place is full of them Zombies I swear ! shit their at my door !
………To be continued

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  • http://www.crappypasta.com predhead

    July 21st, 2012
    I would like to make a recommendation. Stories containing diary entries are generally boring and don’t pace a story well at all.

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  • Shogunfish

    Never ever have the main character do little commentary on the side in the first paragraph. That is one thing that absolutely kills the mood of any story.

    Honestly the moment I read “now I know you must be thinking” or in this case “yeah i know funny last name” the voice in my head I am using to read the pasta changes to a nervous stand up comedian. And when that voice changes, there is no fixing it.

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  • Black Dahlia Smile

    I agree, short journal like pastas are never tasty. I understand the character was scared out of his mind, but the entries came across as a little half assed.

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  • Insularis

    “I’m retiring after this tour of duty, sir.”
    “You forgot the catch!”
    “Oh god. Is it a suicide mission? Please, sir, I have a wife at home.”
    “No, I just want to see you juggle.”

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  • Elite

    Horrible grammar. Hardly understandable.

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  • Javier Gilchrist

    Innacurate info on Navy SEALs. I hope your dreams are draped by failure.

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  • Dougal

    Dante Blackmist? How overtly Mary Sue-ish can you get!? People don’t have idealized names like that in real life, and if your stories aren’t comparable to real life, they become distant and unrelatable, and thus, not scary. Good day, sir.

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    • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

      I think my name is one of those idealised names that people would kill for.

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  • bravo104

    so how did your squad die? they just seem to die for no reason, also, you need to get more detail than “my squad”. look, I know these are short story’s, and you don’t have much room for character development, but you can at least give them a name. or even how many of them there are, it would take an extra minuet to Wright.

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    • bravo104

      bonus points for the original mission to be one average navy seal, with no special training or anything, to go to the evil terrorist’s underwater base and kill him while he is surrounded by hundreds of guards. also, said man does not even know the name of his target and keeps writing in his diary even when the mission is taking place.
      also, I ‘m pretty sure that the navy won’t send you on a suicide mission just before you are retiring, because thats not only a horrible lack of care for human life, it’s also really cruel. “just 2 more days until my retirement, sir!” “good. also, you’re on a suicide mission to kill an evil terrorist in his under water base alone and without any specialist training. also, the base is filled with zombies.” “fuck you, sir.”

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      • Bravo 104

        I thought My awful military themed pasta had a lack of research, but this really deserves an award for failing completely on how any sort of military works.

        1) A suicide mission. Just before your retirement. That’s just cruel, really.
        2) Naming a mission Last Blackmist. It’s just stupid, really.
        Sure, it sounds good now, but it would get old, fast.
        “Begin operation David!” is just stupid.
        3) Why would he have his base underwater?
        4) The whole dream thing is pointless.
        5) No explanation is given to anything. It’s like After taking most of the story building up to it, Commander Shepard enters the collector base, only for his squad to die randomly for no reason at all, and then Shepard to fight zombies, before the story just abruptly ends.
        6) Why did he bring his diary with him on a serious military mission? And why is he writing in it as the mission takes place?

        This is a great example of how journal pastas can be extremely confusing, as it must, by its nature, miss out chunks of the story.

        And they mostly leave us extremely confused.

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