CRAPPYPASTA

For those pastas that are smelling less than fresh…


Merry Christmas

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You hear voices on the ceiling, laughter, screams, swears… you don’t know what it is…

It echoes in your mind, doesn’t allow you to sleep. It makes you wonder “is there a god? How could anyone ever make such noises?”

You’re afraid you freeze up, you  hide beneath your blanket, shacking… and then … the monster gets nearer…

THUMB THUMB THUMB

A very loud thumb passes with each passing step, as if the entire armies of hell have gathered in every step.

And then,  you feel the touch of the red monster, he gently touches your head, as if to taste you with his arms as if to feel the feeling of your still living flesh, and while he does that, you can’t do anything but pray

“Please don’t eat me”

And then, to your horror, the monster slowly get’s nearer and whispers….

“HO HO HO Merry Christmas”

And then, very quickly leaves something for you to remember him by, and leaves…

You tell it to your parents, and they just smile at you gently and laugh…

But you have proof for them, the monster left something, a gift wrapped in purple and white…

Your wrap it off, as proof of the happening… and then you see not what you have expected, not a skull not a dead weasel….

But a gun… with a cap in it….

You wonder to yourself… is this some kind off warning, some kind off sign?

Intuitively, you keep  the gun beside you each day, you do not dare to use it though… no …

not until he comes back…

Credit To: Matt Neputin

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4 Comments

  1. Oh, sweetie, I can see what you were trying to go for, but you didn’t pull it off. Also, THUMB =/= THUMP, although I did giggle at the image of a legion of opposable digits assaulting your roof.

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  2. um… yeah

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  3. “Dammit! You quiet down you non finger digits, stop jumping in my damn roof.”

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  4. That was one of the funniest things I have ever read. If you meant this to be a parody, or funny, You did great. If not… Never write again.

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    Rating: 4.8/5 (8 votes cast)

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