CRAPPYPASTA

For those pastas that are smelling less than fresh…


My best friend

| 12 Comments

i moved to a new house and someone died!!! his name was kaleb. i was 10 and playing in the basement alone when an apportion appeared beside me and played with me. he said his name was kaleb and his mom drowned him in the bath tub when he was 8… we became friends for some odd reasone and oneday he told me to kill my parents… of course being ten i did well the slept. i used an old rusty kitchen knife. soon after i was put in an asylum and during a riot i managed to escape..! i know live in the woods with kaleb and feed of anyone who steps foot in my part of the woods!!! stay out unless you want to be eatin alive! im warning you…

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My best friend, 1.5 out of 10 based on 17 ratings
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  • Shogunfish

    At first the way you spelled apparition I thought you were trying to say abortion… Nasty mental image that conjured up

    Why should I be scared of an idiot ten year old out in the woods. I happen to know for a fact I could take a ten year old in a fight so I am not too worried.

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  • Sylvie

    I moved to a new house
    AND THEN A PERSON DIED OUT OF NOWHERE

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (10 votes cast)
  • http://NUwebsite Lolhai

    Sooo…your best friend is a rotting corpse? Awkwaaaard…

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (4 votes cast)
  • Larry the Awkward Llama

    I think that if you are in the woods, you can’t use a computer now can you?

    ~Larry the Awkward Llama

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  • http://crappypasta.com tytiger10

    DEFAQU did I read!

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
  • Another Pasta Writer

    Three words. Redneck Family Reunion

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (2 votes cast)
  • AUDIOAIMTEHPRO

    You were playing alone in the basement when an abortion appeared beside you.

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    Rating: 4.8/5 (4 votes cast)
  • Hah GAYY

    Oh no not a ten year old… What could I ever do to defend myself, besides maybe completely own ‘em

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    Rating: 5.0/5 (5 votes cast)
  • bravo104

    so you just moved house and someone died? who? it clearly wasn’t Caleb, because he was already a ghost.
    why did Caleb’s mum drown him? for no reason?
    why would you kill your parents because “the kid ghost told you to”? 10 year old aren’t that stupid.
    why did the riot start?
    why warn people away if you want to kill them?
    why would anyone be scared of a 10 year old kid?

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  • Extra Tooth

    This was just…. WHY?!?!? My eyes burn now.

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  • bravo104

    Ooooh, best of friends! Evil friends!

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  • Alfred Frederick DInglebottom

    Let’s see if improvements can be made.

    Derp, this may seem as though I am attempting to get away with a genuine attempt in the comments. It’ll hopefully serve as a pointer as to what can be done, even with the most clichéd and unoriginal of stories.

    Please people stop being lazy. Don’t use time as an excuse. All it takes is some effort and some half decent grammar.

    I used the original pasta as a template for this just to show what can be done when some form of effort is displayed.

    I appreciate that this one could’ve been a troll but hopefully others might learn from this.

    ***************************************

    I moved to a new home when I was ten years old. I had lived in the old house all my life. My parents were just about to have a second child. The old house would have been too small for our larger family.

    Shortly after moving in I was playing in the basement by myself when an abortion appeared beside me and played with me. It started writing a pasta called “my best friend”. He informed me that his name was Kaleb and his Mum had drowned him in the bath tub when he was 8. She caught him writing a shitty Jeff fanfic. The fact that he was dead caused me to want to be friends with him instantly.

    A few weeks later, we were playing in my room. Kaleb couldn’t physically pick anything up so he just did the voices for the characters. My Barbie dolls sounded funny in his multi-tonal voice. We were having so much fun, then he blurted something out;

    “Kill your parents!”

    All I could do was giggle, I thought he was joking. He just stared at me, my giggling fit slowed down and my face dropped, he was being serious.

    “What on Earth do you want me to kill them for?” I asked shakily.

    “You and I will be able to play together forever if they’re gone. They stop you from playing and force you to go to school.”

    I didn’t reply to his statement. My stomach was churning. I could see some justification in his claim but I personally didn’t want to kill my parents. They fed me, clothed me and bought me toys. I did hate school at the time. I struggled in most lessons and was badly bullied because I’d talk to Kaleb. No one else at school could see him. He only made himself visible to me because he could tell that I was a good person.

    That night, I had some horrendous nightmares. All I could think of was killing my parents. I could still hear Kaleb’s voice. I turned to him and politely asked him to shut up so I could sleep. He didn’t oblige.

    The next morning my Mummy burst into my room and whipped the curtains open. A fresh beam of light pulled me out of my sleepy haze. I looked up at my Mummy and grinned. She came over and sat on the edge of my bed and gently caressed my face. Just as she did this, I grabbed my bed side lamp and hit her in the face as hard as I could. I leapt out of bed with the lamp still in hand and repeatedly hit her in the head. Kaleb stood there cheering me on.

    I walked down stairs covered in my own Mummy’s bodily juices and politely said good morning to my Daddy before hitting him in the back of the head with the toaster. I hit him several times. He was still breathing though. I picked his head up, it was really heavy and I dropped it in his corn flakes. He drowned.

    Me and Kaleb have been playing happily for days. My Mummy and Daddy still live with me but they don’t tell me what to do anymore.

    ***************************************

    That took me ten mins. How do people submit such terrible stories?

    I think this would fall under clichéd crap. Effort, decent story and some knowledge on how to correctly utilise grammar immediately improves the feel of the story.

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