CRAPPYPASTA

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The Mystery Man

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I don’t have much time. I’m hiding in a closet, laptop on lap, typing my story. I have to be quick. The man is coming for me. Scary as hell. So, I have to warn all of you of this man. Here goes nothing.

Okay, so…. I was doodling in my notebook during class. I looked up at the clock. 2:30 p.m. The bell rang, and I quickly shut the notebook and the teacher finally shut up.

I took a quick glance at the window. I saw a strange man. At first, I thought I was hallucinating. Then, I looked back out the window again. The man was behind a tree, just where he was when I first looked. He wore owl feathers in his green- yes, I said green- hair. His purple -I’m not kidding- eyes showed brightly through his pink glasses. His yellow hood was pulled over his head, and his neon yellow jeans sagged.

I didn’t think he was a well-dressed man. But nobody else seemed to notice him. I tapped on my friend’s shoulder. She turned around, brown eyes shining.

“What is it, Sarah?” She asked.

“Skylar, do you see that-” I looked back out the window. The man was gone. “Never mind.”

“What’s up, Sarah? See something?” My other friend, Ruby, asked, blue eyes sparkling.

“Yeah, I did.” I replied, swiping brown hair out of my face. “A creepy guy… I think he’s watching me.”

“Who?” Ruby asked. Skylar looked at me like I was crazy.

“Sarah, you read too much Creepypasta.” She said. “There is no way someone is stalking you.”

I sighed. If they didn’t believe me, that was their problem. I had to hurry up and get home anyways.

Later on, around 8:30 p.m, my brother, Tyler, came into the room. He stood next to my window.

“Sarah, who’s that?” He asked, pointing to the man outside.

I shrugged. It was that man again! Honestly, he needed to get a life. But at least now I knew I wasn’t hallucinating. Tyler was seeing this man, too, and that was enough proof. But at least the guy wasn’t Slenderman. The guy disappeared. Tyler looked at me, then walked away into his room to play his games.

A couple minutes later, my phone went off. It was Skylar. I slid the answer button.

“Sarah? D-Did that guy you saw earlier have green hair and purple eyes?” She stammered, sounding scared.

“Yeah… Why?” I asked. “Did you see him too?”

“Yeah, he’s sorta watching me from outside.”

“Okay, I don’t know what he wants, but he needs to leave us alone!”

“He’s gone now.”

My phone rang again. Ruby.

“Ruby’s calling. Call you back later.” I told Skylar, then answered Ruby.

“Sarah, who was that guy? Did he wear yellow? And have green hair and purple eyes?” Ruby was talking fast. I could hear crashing in the background.

“What’s going on?” I demanded, already racing down the stairs.

“I-I don’t know.” She replied. She sounded scared, and I was losing connection. “I think he’s-”

The phone went dead. If a SmartPhone was supposed to be smart, then what kind of smart people let something go dead? But that wasn’t what I was concerned about. What if Ruby was in danger?

Then something began breaking glass. I saw a trail of blood from my 3 year old brother’s room. Holy shit, I thought, what the hell happened?!

The man stepped out from behind the island counter. I quickly dove into the closet and locked the door, and for some reason, had my laptop with me. So here I am, typing this story, telling you this before I die.

“Hey, there you are….” He snarled. But up this close, he didn’t have purple eyes. He had black ones. And he didn’t have green hair. He had black. And his skin- paper white. A smile carved into his face. His white hoodie was covered in blood. He held up a knife. “Go to sleep….”

I screamed. I whipped my phone out of my pocket after throwing my laptop at this stranger. I was so scared, I thought I was going to piss myself. This man killed my brothers, and my parents.

Bad timing, but I called up Skylar. She answered.

“Skylar, Jeff the Killer is inside my house!” I screamed into the phone, throwing granola bars at the killer. “He’s trying to kill me!”

“Sarah, your reading waaaaaay too much Creepypasta.” She replied. “I mean, waaaaay too much.”

“I’ll send you a picture!” I yelled, but it was too late. He had just knocked the phone from my hands, cutting my right forearm.

Quickly, I threw a can of Mountain Dew at him. Luckily we still had some in storage. I threw more and more cans, denting them, breaking them, and making giant Mountain Dew puddles all over the floor.

I slid under him. He was standing still in the Mountain Dew puddle, a confused look on his forever smiling face. I grabbed a kitchen knife, my cell phone, and my laptop, and raced out the door.

“Skylar, you still there?!” I yelled. “I can’t prove that now, because I just ditched my house and Jeff is in there, but he’s fucking in there!”

“Sarah, calm down!” Skylar told me. “Ruby was just in the same situation. C’mon over, with us.”

Silently, I walked to Skylar’s, and everything became okay.

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10 Comments

  1. Okay, I’ll try not to waste too much time, so let me begin with tearing up your pasta right away, hehe.

    The introduction is washed out. “I don’t have much time” reminds your audience of those chain mails “I don’t have much time, this is true, I am dead and will haunt you [blah blah blah, insert Midnight and the death of a person you love, blah blah]“.

    “[...]I’m not kidding[...]” and “[...]green – yes, I said green[...]” are stylistic devices you’d use telling the story while having a cup of tea. Keep in mind that you are NOT talking to the reader in person. People read a story (they also expect a story), so they could reread it on their own.

    Also, try not to mention the term “Creepypasta” in a creepypasta. This indicates that your protagonist is used to cliché stories and therefore should not repeat them. (Up to that point, you broke that rule at least twice as mentioned above.)
    And while we are at it, don’t drop other creepypastas’ characters’ names. There was no need to mention the Slenderman besides the name drop itself.

    In addition, maybe get rid of exact times (“8:30 p.m.”) because you don’t always have a watch with you, if you have no time, you wouldn’t try to remember exact times, and you are not making a deposition. Make it “My brother came to my room, in the evening”.

    “The phone went dead. If a SmartPhone was supposed to be smart, then what kind of smart people let something go dead? But that wasn’t what I was concerned about.” Not concerned, ergo, no purpose to the story other than mocking. Mocking might be a little humorous but it is out-of-place in a horror story as it turns the thing a bit more ridiculous.

    “I quickly dove into the closet and locked the door, and for some reason, had my laptop with me. So here I am, typing this story, telling you this before I die.” You don’t know WHY you have your notebook with you? Wasn’t your intention to warn people? Just a logical mistake you might have overlooked.
    Let me go on to the “before I die” part. It is overused and therefore not scary (have a look to those spam chain mails, again). It is not believable either because the reader already counts on the fact that creepypastas are a piece of fiction. You, my dear, should not – yes, I am not kidding, I said NOT – forget about that any time.
    Believability is a main part for the creepypastas’ effect (okay, without considering supernatural stuff going on).

    ‘And he didn’t have green hair. He had black. And his skin- paper white. A smile carved into his face. His white hoodie was covered in blood. He held up a knife. “Go to sleep….”’

    No… NO, you just didn’t… ugh. I don’t even have words for this, anymore.

    “your” – ’nuff said.

    So, you go over to your friend’s house and everything became okay? With your siblings and parents dead? Referring to your beginning, you are still in the closet which would mean that you can predict the future. Major logical mistake, huh?
    Try to keep an eye on that. And also, WHY JEFF AGAIN?

    “I slid under him. He was standing still in the Mountain Dew puddle, a confused look on his forever smiling face. I grabbed a kitchen knife, my cell phone, and my laptop, and raced out the door.” – I almost missed that. You should not try to make your pasta a (bad) action thriller because in such a situation, you wouldn’t have even dared to slide under the overused psychopath.

    All in all, you need – Yes, I said “need” – to watch your logic in the story, you spelling mistakes and the style you use. As I said, refrain from using the “Hey, friend, let me tell you a story” style and look out for clichés alot more and make sure you keep them to a minimum.
    And last but not least: No JTK fanfic, okay? Never again, please. Thank you.

    Good luck making better pastas without references to other pastas. And in case of emergency, you still have other genres to choose from. Have a nice day.

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    • I find your imitation of me disturbing.

      Nah, I kid. But really, this is a pretty bad one.

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  2. Author!
    Waht r u doing?
    Authar!
    Stahp!

    Seriously though, please stop..

    1/10 and downvoted.

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  3. I think this should also be in the category “stop.” Because… just, please.

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  4. All this secret JTK pastas are driving me crazy. I am duped into thinking that the pasta is something new and original, but then JTK pokes his head in and ruins the whole thing. No more JTK, he is over used, not scary and quite honesty very annoying.

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  5. “If a SmartPhone was supposed to be smart, then what kind of smart people let something go dead?”

    I burst out laughing at this part. The whole story was absolutely terrible. I thought this was a new terrible JTK copy-cat but instead he just popped his ugly head in.

    The story went from bad to worse when he showed up. If I write a story killing him, can we end all this?

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    • Sadly, Jeffy already died a thousand deaths in other stories. You can see how dead he is: not at all. I’m startig to think the fanbase deliberately tries to troll us by spamming JTK fics. I have no other theory on why people dedicate so much (bad) work to this kid.

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    • No, there’s actually quite a few stories where JTK has been killed. Unfortunately he keeps coming back. All it’ll do is get you put here, with the tag “Oh look more fan fiction.” lol

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    • I’m actually thinking of writing a story where he and every single “X the Killer” die and what remains gets burned.

      Well, after finals are over at least.

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  6. “But at least the guy wasn’t slenderman.”
    Because I totally thought it was slenderman after a description of his face -_-
    Also, since when does Jeff wear pink glasses and bright yellow?

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