CRAPPYPASTA

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Am I Perfect Now?

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“Kill yourself you ugly bitch!” She snarls. I keep my eyes glued to the floor as her insults push me further and further to the edge of sanity. “What? Too scared to defend yourself?” She laughs. There is suddenly a strong stinging sensation of my left cheek and my eyes begin to water. What the fuck? She just slapped me! I can’t quite explain what happens next. There is a strong tugging feeling near my ribcage. Like something trying to break free. It’s like I’m not even in control of myself anymore. I begin giggling like a madman, “You just made a huge mistake.” I whisper, still staring at my feet. “What’s your fat ass going to do about it?” She cackles like witch and struts away with her gang of human Barbies. My smile grows wider until its almost painful. I take a glance at her sashaying away from me, her platinum blonde hair swinging from side to side. “You just made a huge mistake.” I whisper psychotically.

I hurry home to evaluate my plan. I could catch her while walking home from school. Nah, she always has her little clones trailing behind her wherever she goes. Or maybe I could set a trap baited with Ugg boots and Starbucks. I laugh bitterly at my own joke. I’ve got it! I’ll do the classic, sneak into her house and kidnap her while she is sleeping. The sides of my mouth twitch into a demonic grin. This is going to be fun.

I sneak up to the gates of her colossal mansion. After following her home for a few days, I manage to learn that her room is the third room on the left, of the second story. I secure my baseball bat I brought for knocking her out in my belt and creep up an enormous oak tree that stands conveniently near her window. I slither through her open window and walk up to her sleeping form. I raise the bat above my head but before I can bring it down on her head, her eyes snap open and her mouth widens in the beginning of a terrified scream. I quickly bring the bat down upon her skull and she goes limp. I drag her unconscious body out of the window and down the tree.

I see her begin to stir. She slowly opens her eyes and scans the dimly lit room frantically. she tries to move but I had strapped her into an old electric chair, used for executing high security prisoners so her hands, feet, torso and hear are secured down by leather straps. She then begins screaming and thrashing around. “Help! Someone help!” but it’s no use. We are miles from civilization in an old, abandoned prison. I slowly slip out of the shadows into the faint light with an evil smirk plastered to my face. Her body relaxes and she sighs with relief, “Thank god! Help me get out of here!” My smirk grows wider as I slowly drag my feet towards her. “Now why would I do that?” I ask with a menacing tone. Her face twists with confusion. “We’re just getting to the fun part.” I say, my smirk forms more into an evil scowl. “But-I-I-I don- don’t understand.” she stammers. I reach into my pocket and pull out a small dagger. Her face morphs from an expression of confusion to complete terror. “What are you doing?” She questions, her voice trembling. “Ugly.” I whisper as I draw the dagger up to her chin. “Freak.” I whisper, slightly louder than before. I press the knife into her flesh and slowly drag it around the outline of her face. She whimpers like a lost puppy. “Fat ass!” I practically yell. I then slowly start peeling away the perfect skin from her perfect face, starting with her forehead. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I was ever mean to you! Please!” she wails, tears streaming down her face. But I am too far gone. I know I have already lost my mind. She has broken me. After years of torture, I finally get revenge. Once I succeed in peeling all of her perfect skin off, leaving her eyelids, she is completely motionless. Her face nothing but exposed tissue coated in a thick, red liquid. She’s not dead. But she is going to be. I wait for her to gain consciousness. As soon as she opens her perfect blue eyes, she screams in pure agony. Her screams are silenced by my knife slowly sliding into her skull.

After dumping her mutilated body in the river, I calmly walk home. I open the door to my ratty apartment and lumber to my freezer where I open the door and pull her decomposing face from my bag. I place it in the freezer and wait a few days. When I go back, it is completely frozen and preserved. I take it out of the freezer and walk to my bedroom. I pull out some super glue from my wooden dresser and spread t over the back of the skin. I then place the other humans face over my own and saunter to the mirror near my door. I gave upon myself and psychotically smile. Now I ask you, am I perfect now?
Credit To – Ella K

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  • Rev

    This tale suffers due to its simplicity. The mean girl gets her comeuppance from the girl she bullied. That about sums it up the whole thing. There’s not really enough plot to justify the gore and keep the reader interested. Sometimes simplicity works, but not this time.

  • mudnose

    Well, this pasta has certainly earned a spot in the Stop forums. You could try and not make it so gruesome with the “face sheaving” and all of the attention towards the character.

  • Aelius Cato

    Am I a shitty and cliched character now? Yes, yes your are. The end.

    However if you were looking for more constructive criticism here it is. For one, the “poor me I was bullied so much bawww” angle has been take and done to death, so please don’t use it’s it’s not interesting, deep, or scary. You also used this far too early, so even if the was a decent plot device it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.

    The plot it’s self is hackneyed. Please tell where where you’ve heard this. Girl/boy get’s bullied. Then ether after, before, or during being bullied said girl/boy get’s a “special, tingling, burning, ect.” feeling. Then the protagonist murders the aforementioned bully plot device, and goes insane and continues murdering random people for no reason. Sound familiar? Like at least 50% of jeffpasta; the other half is jefferotica just in case you wanted to know.

    I’m not even going to give you a rating. Please stop wasting time with these stupid jeffpastas and write something original!

    • A Zergling (Wearing a Tophat)

      why did you put “jefferotica” into my mind… why?!?!
      *curls up in corner and cries, hugging tail, quietly sobbing; “get it out of my head… make it stop… stop!… why…”*

      • Aelius Cato

        You’re gonna have a hard time here.

        • Ahriannah

          Made me think of south park… You’re gonna have a bad time

  • Her Grace Killjoy Rainbow

    Why are all evil girls in these revenge stories blonde and skinny and gorgeous? Most of the mean girls I’ve ever known have been pudgy brunettes with no especially attractive features.

  • Moon Babe

    Obviously, this story is lacking a shit ton of things, but what irks me the most is how you jump from place to place with no explanation. Ex; she woke up strapped to an electric chair??? Like? How did you get to this jail? How did you know about it? How would an electric chair still work in an old abandon hospital? And the freezer thing? Does she not have parents? I mean c’mon now.

    • Guest

      It never said how old she is though. She may not be living with her parents anymore. Just a possibility.

  • Tanner

    Stereotypes… @Grace

  • Bulbasaur

    I don’t think being insulted a bunch by one person is going to logically drive them to murder

    • Vee

      Well it depends on whether or not the person has pre-existing conditions; schizophrenia, depression, etc. However you are right, most people don’t have these conditions at the level needed to just explode with gruesome desires.

  • Explosive Diarrhea Of The Soul

    It has been… fuck, probably three days now. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t speak. I can’t even take a shit.
    I have been sitting here in my chair, staring at the appropriately colored brown wall in front of me, attempting to comprehend the ancient and cryptic message displayed there. It is etched into my mind like Latin proverbs into marble statues of philosophers.
    I pray that God/Gods/Whatever will forgive my mortal soul for even daring to decode such unholy vocabulary; Vocabulary not meant for man to ever see.
    I shall sit here until my death…
    Until I figure out what the fuck “sashaying” is.

  • Entropy Temporal

    I have several problems with this pasta.

    I hurry home to evaluate my plan. I could catch her while walking home from school. Nah, she always has her little clones trailing behind her wherever she goes.

    -And then, theres

    I sneak up to the gates of her colossal mansion. After following her home for a few days, I manage to learn that her room is the third room on the left, of the second story.

    -I thought you said she has “her little clones” with her.

    -Then, you break into her house. I’ve never lived in a huge mansion, but I’m pretty sure that people that can afford mansions can also afford security systems, or, I don’t know, A LOCK.

    And then you knock her out and somehow drag her down a tree, which you have a electric chair under, inside of the room that I assume randomly materialized next to….Um…..Who the fuck is this girl, anyway? Next to (insert name here)’s house.

    Then she screams, but her parents must be deaf, because THEY ARE RIGHT NEXT TO HER HOUSE.

    Then, she wakes up, and you “drag your feet to her”.

    Then, you kill her and dump her body into the river, cut off her face, and freeze it and turn it into a mask…?

    “Now, I ask you, am I perfect now”?

    No. Nein. Non. Nu. Nem. Degil. Ei. Não. You will never be perfect as long as you write like this, OP.

  • http://orangelover02.wix.com/ballisticjunkfood SUPRSKURY

    No

  • Amalynn

    I really enjoyed this. Very lovely and gruesome.

  • Nicola Marie Jackson

    So no-one noticed you carrying an unconscious bleeding body for several miles? And how the lemon scented fuck do you have a spare electric chair hanging about? And what about the rest of it? Frig.

    • Senpai

      At least I noticed that too xD

      • Nicola Marie Jackson

        There was SO much to notice xx

        • http://www.imvu.com/catalog/web_mypage.php?user=138978161 Senpai

          Amen XD

  • http://twitch.tv/oshies_yoshi Daughter of Sparda

    …Go sit in the corner and think of an original idea. And do read a few more “grown up” books, like something by Stephen King or Agatha Christie so you don’t write like a 13 year old. Even if you are a 13 year old.

  • india

    Pushed off the edge huh…thats how that all go

  • Senpai

    I honestly kinda liked it xD I enjoy gore. But the thing is, you didn’t really have a reason for it. It was just: -Is bullied- -Flips out- -Kills the girl- -Is now complete psycho.- You need more reasoning as to why all this gore was necessary. A little more back story would do you justice.

  • The Cupcake Cat

    OMG wow are you guys being so mean to this poor girl. she was bullied and she has a right to make a fantasy. all of you need to grow up

    • Servonator

      I think you’re the one who needs to grow up. Do you not understand the difference between fiction and reality? This crappypasta is clearly a work of fiction, and even if this girl was real it would not excuse her from murdering someone simply because she was bullied. She is not above the law in this or any reality. I fail to see how you cannot comprehend this rather simple fact.

      I know you probably won’t listen to this, but please, for the sake of the people who post on here to give writers constructive criticism (i.e. a lot of the regulars on here) and not just empty, generic praise or white-knight for shitty, clichéd crappypastas (i.e. you), just leave. You are not helping, and you are not wanted.

      • The Cupcake Cat

        What? i know what’s it’s like to be bullied and fantasy is ok. seriously dude she now has emotional problems, she’s like a spartan being so brave.

        i have a right to defend people from you jerks. this story is actually very good and should be on the main site.

        • http://atticussattic.wordpress.com/ Katherine C

          Hey Cupcake Cat,

          You know, sometimes things do end up here by mistake. If you think that’s the case, press the upvote button on the post. If enough people agree, then it will get moved to the main site. You can check out the Admin Fail tag for similar stories. (And for more info, go to crappypasta.com/crappy-or-creepy/) However, there is almost always something to improve in a story. Heck, even things on the main site get some good constructive criticism. This story needs some work, mainly due to a lot of cliches, but I also see some interesting ideas woven through it. So, you can offer your advice on how you would redeem it from the cliches, as many did, and embellish those good aspects it has. To find out more about how things are categorized and tagged, so you can focus your feedback on those things holding it back from acceptance to the main site, check out crappypasta.com/how-we-categorize/

          Yeah, some of the comments on here are also a bit rude. And Servonator’s reply was also a bit over the top. We had a rash of “white knighting” a while ago that prevented a lot of people from getting the constructive criticism they wanted, so it can really frustrate some people to see it happening again. Everyone who’s story is posted here explicitly stated they wanted their piece to go here and receive feedback if it was not accepted to the main site. So, the commenters are just doing as asked. Personally, I started posting on this site because I got annoyed at seeing the unhelpful comments. Just like you are, it seems. Instead of just telling people to stop, however, I made it my goal to provide really good feedback. I don’t want you to leave. I would just love to see you helping your fellow writers.

          Also, point of clarification, everything here is presumed to be fake, fictional stores. Unless tagged as based on a true story. So the writer is probably not bullied and a murderer. That’s just the story.

          This site can be confusing at first, but I hope you can find a way to really help these writers here who are looking to improve. Good feedback is the backbone of writing well. If you disagree with a story being posted here and think it should go to the main site, upvote away! Some really great pieces have been moved over because enough people enjoyed them. I hope this is helpful at explaining some of the responses stories receive. And, to be honest, some are just rude, which is why there was a pretty major overhaul in the commenting policies here not too long ago. You may see some stories that got really harsh, unhelpful feedback if you dig through the archives. Everyone is working to change. And I hope you decide to help continue that change by providing some great feedback on what you do and don’t like about various stories. Thanks for reading my rambling!

          • https://plus.google.com/u/0/+Ahriannahvictoria1989/posts Ahriannah

            Katherine, don’t bother. Cupcake is a known troll. She does this and worse on all the stories she comments on. Jet keep an eye out for her comments in the mod section and you will notice a trend.

          • http://atticussattic.wordpress.com/ Katherine C

            Oh, I know. Thank you though! :-)

          • Nicola Marie Jackson

            She commented that that another atrocious story was wonderful and that my comments were “Mean” I explained why I was standing by them but if i had known that defending shitty stories was her thing i would have just ignored it. I do have to say though that comparing the character to a Spartan was so idiotic that there should be some type of award flinging its way to her. Hopefully at speed xx

  • Sergeant Slaughter

    Enough. This bullying/abuse bullshit has got to stop. It’s so fucking cliche.