For those pastas that are smelling less than fresh…

Pokemon: Rocket Titanium


When I was 13, Pokemon FireRed and LeafGreen were going to be released, from what my friends told me I didn’t like it. You play as someone that nobody knew. Although I’m 20 now, I love to play Pokemon hacks.
Recently, I played a LeafGreen hack, which was the first time I’ve ever seen one, because most hacks were of FireRed. It was called Pokemon Rocket Titanium which sounded very obscure, which made me want to play it.
The title screen was different, the trainer named Kevin(that was said in the game’s description) was holding his Bulbasaur with such hospitality. Both Kevin and Bulbasaur seemed very happy. I pressed new and it threw me into the game.
I looked at the menu and saw Kevin’s sprite. He wore a black and white hat, long brown hair to his neck, blue eyes, and a warm hearted smile. His Pokemon was a level 50 Raichu, level 42 Charizard, level 38 Blastoise, level 50 Venusaur, and a level 38 Dragonite. The gameplay was normal until one day when I played it a text box said,”Raichu died of natural causes.” I was confused, I check to look for Raichu, he wasn’t there, I decide to check Kevin’s sprite, he looked depressed with his hat covering his eyes and an expressionless face as I saw him carrying his dead Raichu.
As I was about to reach Lavender Town, the trainers were stronger and the rest of my team fainted. Kevin started walking by himself, like a cutscene done in some hacks I played. He went to the Poke Center and he put his dead Raichu in front of Nurse Joy. She said,”So your Raichu died? It’ll be hard, but I’ll try to revive him.” Kevin said,”He’s a lost cause.”
I couldn’t react, it all happened so fast. He went into the Pokemon Tower and saw his friend,who was a girl. He went up to her, saw the grave of her Pokemon. He put flowers on the grave and it looked like he hugged her. He then left saying,”I’m so sorry.” which gave the idea that he killed it.
A blank screen had text that said,”Years Later” I saw Kevin come out of a gym that was in Lavender Town and said,”Now I’m ready to face some trainers” I could control him now, so I decided to to his house, the one built right next to his gym. There was a dresser there, I pressed it and a text box said,”Change Outfit?”
I chose yes, he now wore a Team Rocket Grunt costume. I couldn’t move him any more, he went to the Poke Center. He saw Nurse Joy and got close to her and it sounded like he punched her. He healed his Pokemon and left. I checked the menu, his Pokemon were now all level 100, he had a Hypno, Alakazam, Haunter, and Ghastly. His sprite still had his eyes covered, but now he had a smirk on his face. I noticed now Lavender Town was reversed, but it sounded like it was from Pokemon Red & Blue. He went into someone’s house and I saw a trainer there with his Raichu, doing what Kevin did before his Raichu died.
The trainer backed away quickly when he saw Kevin, the Raichu just looked at his trainer. Kevin got close to Raichu and it seemed like he killed it as it looked like it fell to the ground. I could not believe Kevin killed a Pokemon in front of his trainer. He went to the Pokemon Tower and saw his friend there, he looked over all 6 graves of her Pokemon and engaged her in a trainer battle. I only had two options, “Battle” and “Kill” I chose battle but a text box said,”She has no Pokemon, you killed them” I chose kill, and he did the animation it showed when he killed Raichu.
The screen went blank and it showed Kevin in front of his friend’s grave with a shovel next to it. I could access the menu, all the game let me see was his sprite, he was looking forward with eyes wide open and a grin that had spread out all the way. I quit the game and restarted it, I could continue but Kevin was still a Team Rocket Grunt and all I could do was battle trainers as Kevin was the Lavender Town Gym Leader. I’ve been trying to reach out to the hack creator ever since because his account is still around there, but with all the other hacks it’s very difficult to find him.

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  • Elven Vegetable

    We need another site for pastas this bad. Perhaps “Landfillpasta” or something.

    • Aelius Cato

      I like this one, Dig yourself a hole because your pasta sucks hardcore(not sure who wrote this but good idea)

  • Jewinator

    You killed a person and it showed that you killed raichu! THAT PERSON MUST BE RAICHU! JmpjKDGPMJ.Aknuaejhp JEWINATOR USED SELFDESCRUCT!

  • Pax

    What? Just… wait, what? What what? Um… wh… what?

    (First comment in awhile and all I can do is ask “what.” I swear, I’ll get back to intelligent comments soon.)

    • derpbutt

      Prepare yourself – there’s pages and pages of X the Killer spinoffs waiting to break your brain even more!

      And welcome back.

    • Aelius Cato

      Sorry for suggesting they get their own section. Should have suggested they get deleted upon submission. Well good luck Pax.

  • VeryGoodName

    More Pokemon pastas, more wasted time. *yawn*

  • The Operator

    Seeing as there’s so many of them now, I’ve decided to make a Mad Libs sheet for Pokepastas!

    Pokemon: [Creepy adjective] [noun] Edition

    I used to love playing pokemon [game version] when I was younger. Recently, I felt nostalgia, so I decided to look for pokemon [game version] again. I
    [found it online, which / got it from a market sale, where someone / was given it by a mysterious man, who]
    [gave it to me for free / told me not to play it / both].
    I played it anyway, and noticed that
    [the title screen was different / it wouldn’t load at first / it had a weird name written on it.]

    Upon playing it, I found that
    [the game glitched frequently / the starting pokemon were different / the graphics were hyper-realistic]. I
    [talked to a trainer / went into the grass / went to lavender town] and suddenly [spooky music started playing / there was blood everywhere / the game crashed]! I was terrified and
    [destroyed the game / never played it again].

    I think that sums up 90% of pokepastas, right?

    • M42

      Probably closer to 98.357%

    • Pax


      Pokemon: Broken Pearl Edition

      I used to love playing pokemon Pearl when I was younger. Recently, I felt nostalgia, so I decided to look for pokemon Pearl again. I
      found it online, which
      gave it to me for free.
      I played it anyway, and noticed that
      it wouldn’t load at first

      Upon playing it, I found that
      the game glitched frequently. I
      went into the grass and suddenly the game crashed! I was terrified and
      never played it again.

      …huh. I don’t know what to make of this.

  • Otaku

    *to story audience* Ok, cue the sarcastic clapping!