CRAPPYPASTA

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The Swimmer

| 11 Comments

Mary Harrison was one of the sweetest people you’d ever meet. She had many friends, a loving husband, and a beautiful daughter named Hannah. She loved Hannah very much, and there was only one thing Mary loved even more than her child: Swimming. Every day Mary and little Hannah would swim together in the pool, having a wonderful time. Whenever Hannah was sad, Mary would stroke her hair and tell her in a voice like silk, “Swim with me. In the pool we can be happy together.” Hannah would always comply to her mother’s request, happily swimming with her.
Over time, Mary developed a severe separation anxiety to Hannah, leading to the point where she wouldn’t let her go to school. Her husband became more and more distressed, yelling at his wife to stop acting this way and to let her go. Mr. Harrison was the only person keeping his wife from Hannah. Every night Hannah would cry, listening to her parents argue about how her mommy didn’t care about anything except the pool and her daughter. One day, her dad came into her room and told her that mommy was leaving and that she wasn’t coming back. Hannah sobbed and asked why, but he just left the room.
10 years later, Hannah was 17 years old, her father had turned to drugs to help relieve his pain, and the pool had fallen into disrepair. It now resembled a dirty old swamp and reeked of one, too. Every time Hannah asked him why she couldn’t clean it so that she could swim once again, he told her to “just stay away” because “there could be anything in there”. But today, on the 10th anniversary of her mother’s leaving, she would not listen.
“Get up, dad.” she stated firmly to her sleeping father. “We’re cleaning the pool today.”
“No, we’re not.” he replied sleepily.
Hannah slapped him on the head, trying to wake him up. “Yes, we are,” she hissed. Before he could object, she poured a bottle of cold water on him. “NOW!”
He didn’t flinch at the water, he just stared blankly into space, then finally managed a sinister grin as he stood up and walked outside with his daughter. Hannah looked into the water at her own reflection, missing her mother, missing her life. She was never happy after her mom left. Staring at herself, she didn’t see the other figure in her reflection grab her throat. Hannah struggled while her father tied her feet and then her arms together, telling her to hold still with obvious malice in his voice, and then finally shoving her into the grimy water.
Hannah screamed after being submerged, choking on the water going up her nose. She struggled for a second, then tried to see what was around her. She was horrified to see the skeleton wearing her mother’s dress beside her. It was that moment she realized that her dad was a murderer, and her mom was dead. Then, she heard the same voice that calmed her years ago. “Swim with me. In the pool we can be happy together.” It was that moment that Hannah stopped struggling, and she finally realized that, with death, she could finally be happy. With her mother. Forever.

Credit To: Me

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The Swimmer, 7.3 out of 10 based on 51 ratings
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11 Comments

  1. Undercooked definately, also needs some polishing. Good idea, but needs some work.

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    Rating: 4.1/5 (8 votes cast)
  2. Definitely needs some grammar and overall writing work. The idea of the mother’s body being in the pool for 10 years but no one noticing seems weird. I know the pool would have gotten nasty enough you wouldn’t be able to see what’s in there but that would take a while. It seems like the daughter would have wanted to hang out by the pool as she grieved for her mother since that’s where they spent most of their time together.

    Overall it doesn’t do much for me but compared to what a lot of people have been submitting lately this is pure writing genius.

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    Rating: 4.2/5 (9 votes cast)
    • I’m pretty sure if the pool was getting nasty people would probably notice and try to see what was causing it……

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      Rating: 2.2/5 (6 votes cast)
  3. Just…bizarre.

    Crappy Pasta Story Time decided to add their opinion to the mix: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUH9czEj_uQ

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    Rating: 4.3/5 (6 votes cast)
  4. Well, that was a bit different, as I expected Hannah’s mother to reach up and pull her down. Why did her dad wait so long to kill her, if that’s what he wanted?
    Could use some polish, but effective in its own way.
    Grim, just less pure horror and more the dark side of the soul.

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    Rating: 4.2/5 (5 votes cast)
    • He probably didn’t want to kill his Daughter. He just didn’t want to be found out.

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      Rating: 4.2/5 (5 votes cast)
  5. Please do a rewrite with proper grammar. This could be great.

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    Rating: 4.0/5 (4 votes cast)
  6. She loved swimming more then her daughter? Wow.

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    Rating: 4.3/5 (6 votes cast)
  7. I agree with the ideas for categorising this one that were stated above.

    It’s a good idea but could have done with a bit more time spent on it. Just needs polishing or undercooked.

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  8. I thought if this could be rewritten with better grammar, a longer story, and better spelling it would be better. This was a good concept, but you didn’t go too far with it.

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  9. Yeah it started out with promise, could make it to creepypasta if someone rewrote it and didn’t write it so childishly (bit cliche and some errors like how a swimming pool would not still have enough water to reflect or drown a 17 year old as well as hide a skeleton) (also the style was too fast and no details as well as the ending, so dumb.) explain the father’s motives? From what I can tell is he was sad her mom “left” but he murdered her? Why?! Like what point does this serve? But the idea is good. It just needs some ,ore cooking and better sauce

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